Nancy’s life had never been more fulfilling. A loving husband. A dependable job as an accountant. The prospect of children in her near future. And a strong church community to depend on.
But then one fateful night all of that changed. Her husband Adam was working late, so she decided to go out to dinner with her best friend Sandy. There was a hot new Italian restaurant that recently opened in the neighboring town, and she’d been wanting to check it out. The night was going well. The calamari was delicious, the wine was flowing, and the atmosphere had a very authentic Italian flair. She looked forward to coming back with Adam. As they waited for their meals, Nancy got up to use the restroom. She was in no way prepared for what would happen next. The restroom was in the back, past the bar and by a smaller dimly-lit room...the kind of room where you need to tip the maitre d heavily to reserve a seat. As she passed by, Nancy’s eyes focused on a happy couple at the corner table. The two were kissing. The man looked very much like Adam, but it was dark and she didn’t want to be presumptuous. But then again, she needed to be sure.
She fumbled with her cell phone, scrolling through her contacts to find his number. She frantically typed the text. “What time will you be home?” She waited.
A few seconds later she watched in dismay as the man pulled out his phone and read the text. He handed it to the woman. She looked at the text, then back up at him. She smiled and began to type. Nancy waited anxiously for the response. Finally it came through. Her body shook with anger with each word she read. “Sorry dear, boss and I are out with clients. Too much to drink. Going to crash at his house. Be back in the morning.”
Nancy exploded with rage, and none of the staff or patrons were prepared for what happened next. The cursing. The screeching. The glass of wine to the face and smashing of dishes. Perhaps it was the wine talking but Nancy found words coming out of her mouth that she didn’t even know she had in her vocabulary. Security quickly escorted her out and Sandy followed behind her. She threw herself on the sidewalk, looked up at the night sky, and screamed. At that moment, the emptiness took hold.
The divorce was inevitable. They barely spoke about it. Their lawyers did all the talking. Nancy turned to the wine to mask her pain. Glasses turned to bottles. Late nights led to late mornings. And after several verbal and written warnings Nancy found herself unemployed.
She hated her life. She hated Adam. She hated the woman he was with. And for the first time in her life she found herself questioning God’s judgment. How could he do this to her, a devoted Catholic woman? Attending church became a thing of the past, despite Sandy’s pressing. She was a lost sheep.
Weeks turned to months. Seasons passed and the calendar turned. With some extensive support from her family, Nancy found herself back on her feet. But instead of the accounting job she loved she worked evenings as a waitress. She tried to get back into the field, but after her antics at her previous job there were just no references for her resume. She took some solace upon hearing that Adam was single and miserable. He actually called her parents and pleaded with them to help get her back. But still, something was missing. She was empty inside.
Then one day, Nancy decided to join Sandy for lunch. Sandy gave her typical pitch to come back to church. A lot had changed since she left. Sandy now led the choir. There was a new priest who was really reaching parishioners with his passionate sermons. And they also now had an outreach program started by a new parishioner that helped find jobs for several unemployed or underemployed members of the parish. This could be Nancy’s chance. Finally, she agreed to return, afterall it was Lent, and if there was ever a time for redemption, this was it.
That Sunday, Nancy arrived at church and took a seat in the back to avoid judgmental eyes. She tried to take it all in. She closed her eyes and let the music flow through her. She prayed for mercy. And she prayed for a sign to tell her what she needed to do to fill the emptiness inside of her. And that is when God presented her with Father Steven.
Father Steven’s sermon today was all about forgiveness. Nancy reflected on every word.
“I know many of you feel an emptiness inside you,” he said. “It is an emptiness you feel when you struggle to find the Holy Spirit. But what if I told you that perhaps the reason you feel that emptiness is not because your heart is empty, but rather because it is too full. Too full of distractions from our busy lives. Too full with all the vices that keep us from God. Anger, pride, greed, malice, regret, materialism. All these things consume our lives and leave little room for the Holy Spirit to take hold. But if we can find it in our hearts to forgive others. To let go of hatred and malice. And to also take the time to ask for God’s mercy ourselves. That is when we truly prepare our hearts for the Holy Spirit. For when you create a welcoming environment for the Spirit, it will find you, and it will take hold. And that, my brothers and sisters is when that empty feeling will be empty no more.”
Nancy dropped to her knees. She could feel the Lord was speaking to her. She knew she was here for a reason. She stared up at the crucifix and in her mind she begged. She begged for more than anything she had ever begged for in her life. Not for a specific achievement, like a new boyfriend or new opportunity. She begged for God’s mercy. And she begged for the strength to let the past go and to move forward.
When Mass ended, Nancy knelt down once more to pray as she waited for Sandy to finish up. She closed her eyes and she reflected on the last year. As she did, she felt an odd presence around her, followed by a hand on her shoulder. She looked up abruptly and when she did she was taken back. There was a woman staring back at her. The woman was clearly shaken. Her lips were quivering and her eyes desperately trying to hold back tears. She knew the face but had trouble placing it. The woman dropped to her knees and began to speak.
“Please forgive me for my sins,” she cried. “I hurt you more than I could ever imagine. That night at the restaurant. I was in a bad place. Just looking for some fun. I wanted to be young and careless again. And I did something horrible. Since that night there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not felt regret for what I did. It’s what brought me to this church. It’s what opened my eyes. And it’s what brings me here to you. To face my biggest sin and humbly place myself before you to ask for forgiveness and seek God’s mercy.”
Nancy felt the conflict in her soul. This woman was the root of her hatred, her dismay, her emptiness. She had every right to despise her. But after reflecting on Father Steven’s sermon she knew that this moment was meant to be, that there was a divine plan, and that there was only one righteous path to choose. Her fate was in God’s hands now. Nancy’s eyes welled with tears as she leaned forward and collapsed into the woman’s arms. “God is merciful,” she replied. “And if God can forgive you, then so shall I.”
Moments later Sandy arrived, perplexed as to what was going on. “Um, I suppose you met Ms. Cassidy,” she said.
“Ms. Who?” Nancy asked.
“Kelly Cassidy. The woman I was telling you about. She’s been helping people find jobs.”
“Do you need a job,” asked Kelly? “What do you do?”
“I ah, I’m a waitress now,” Nancy replied. “But I was an accountant. But I burned those bridges last year. I was in a bad state. I’m unhirable now. I have no references.”
“Nonsense,” Kelly replied. “I’m CEO of a job placement company, and I happen to be in need of an accountant. But I completely understand if you don’t want to work for me, so if you don’t I can try to find you a job elsewhere.”
Nancy smiled. “Thank you,” she said. “I would like that very much.”
“Are you sure,” replied Kelly. “It won’t be uncomfortable for you. You can tell me if it will be.”
“I’ll be just fine,” said Nancy. “Us lost sheep need to band together you know. If God has brought us this far, then let’s just see where he takes us.”